Burden to Brotherhood
Do you often find yourself going through your day feeling like you’re carrying the weight of the world? The hours are few. The days are fewer. But the needs are many.
I often wonder if the men in Jesus’ time felt the same level of burden or if it’s a today problem with us wanting too much…
- To be a good father and husband.
- To excel in our work.
- To be beyond financially secure so we can take that vacation we’ve been wanting.
- To serve in the church and use our gifts.
- To be generous.
- To have a solid and daily relationship with Jesus.
And that doesn’t even get to the honey-do list of paint touch ups, shelves to be hung, and lawns to be mowed.
Read back through that list. Every one of those things is important and good. But man, it’s daunting to think about even when condensed to bullet points. How are we supposed to do all of this?
I would challenge you to get comfortable with the three “dudes.”
Dude #1: My Dudes.
Men and friendship is a real problem in our nation. According to a 2021 survey, 15% of men say that they have zero close friends, with that number jumping up to 28% for men under 30. Many of the guys I’ve interacted with in the church have had the same desire of a men’s bible study or small group. Yet every time the Men’s Ministry has attempted to do something like this attendance starts off weak and gets weaker as it goes on. This is not a complaint, just an observation.
The point is that community and brotherhood take work and time. It’s like the old Chinese proverb says, “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” If you want friendships that have depth and strength and familiarity and love, YOU have to go make that happen. It will not just fall into your lap.
Friendship and community is absolutely a God-ordained call for our lives. As God was creating the earth in Genesis 1 He said over and over that “it was good.” Yet in Genesis 2:18 where God says “It is not good that the man should be alone…” Did God make a mistake during the first seven days that He had to correct? Obviously not. My belief is that this is an intentional way God is trying to show us that we are not meant to go at life alone.
Even Jesus, the Son of God and Savior of our world, had his twelve. And in the hardest moments of His time on earth, Jesus asks his closest friends to be near Him and praying with Him in the garden of Gethsemane.
Friends will not take our burdens away, but Galatians 6:2 calls us to bear one another's burdens.
Here’s the thing though, getting together to eat a meal or golf or go fishing is not enough. Which brings us to Dude #2.
Dude #2: “Dude…”
For brotherhood to truly be Christ-like it must go beyond surface level. We have to have those hard conversations that, for me, often begin with, “Dude…”
We in the church love to use “as iron sharpens iron” for men’s ministry because it sounds awesome, but what often feels ignored is the reality of the sharpening process. Iron does sharpen iron, but it REQUIRES friction to remove the burrs and imperfections in order to become sharp.
The friend group that you built in Dude #1 are the voices that you allow in your life to call you to the carpet, to tell you that you need to cut that sin out of your life, and to push you to a higher standard.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in conversations with friends and had to deal with the discomfort of listening to them tell me that I need to adjust an aspect of how I conduct myself. It sucked having someone lay it out that I was falling short, but these words were coming from my brothers who I know have Jesus’ call in my life at the forefront of their mind when they sat me down.
It took courage on their part to call me out! It’s a scary thing to tell someone they aren’t doing good enough, but I am so appreciative that they were bold enough to do so.
There’s good news. As you go on through life in this deep level of community life does get easier. Not in the sense that the list of burdens goes away, but as you continually become a sharper version of yourself, stepping closer to the man that God has called you to be, the weight of those burdens gets lighter.
But how do we know what kind of man we are supposed to be?
Dude #3: The Dude.
No, not the Big Lebowski. Although he is pretty awesome. I’m talking about the King Dude.
We have the perfect example set for us in the man of Jesus. To find true joy and purpose in our lives we must set our hearts and minds on our Creator and Savior.
Too often we look for fulfillment from the things of this world. Sometimes it’s the things we know are wrong, like drugs, alcohol, or sex. You know the list. But sometimes it’s actually the good things in life that God has actually blessed us with: our wives or kids, power and influence, wealth, or fame.
Here’s the short answer. Anything that is not God is never going to fill that void.
Every day we should be talking with God and reading His word. There are so many different ways to do this based on your rhythm of life, but make the time to have community with Him.
The word “disciple” in the New Testament comes from the Greek μαθητής (mathētēs), which means “student,” “pupil,” or “apprentice.” But the translation that I personally like is “adherent.” To be able to live a life reflective of Jesus we have to adhere, or stick fast, to Him. In the days of Jesus, so valuable was the opportunity to follow the Rabbi, that you longed to be covered in the dust of his feet.
That last sentence is stolen directly from Rise’s website for the series Covered In Dust. If you want to learn what it means to be a follower of Jesus, this is a great place to start.
I’m sorry to inform you of this, but the burdens of life will never go away. They may change or ebb and flow, but we will not get to experience true rest until we get to be in heaven. This does not mean that we have to, nor should, be going at it alone! If you want to have your three dudes, these are the steps to take:
#1: Pray.
Be specific with your requests to God and ask him to help you find and build a community.
#2: Be bold and make the ask.
Satan wants to keep you isolated and friendship will not sprout out of the ground, so you must take the initiative. I think for some men, asking another guy to hang out is more terrifying than asking a girl on a date, but be bold and make the ask.
Helpful tip: Make your life easier by getting involved. Serve, join a city group, attend a men’s night, show up on Sundays.
#3: Stick with it.
This is likely going to be a slow journey so don’t become discouraged. Continue to lead the charge, keep making invites, set the plans, do whatever it takes to keep it going. At some point you’ll look up and realize that you have found your crew.
