Financial Harmony
Let me first start by saying that ultimately everything is God’s money, and we are just the stewards He has entrusted with it. As married couples, we have a great opportunity to show the love of Jesus through our finances. Being made one in Christ through marriage is a powerful thing that should embolden us to do wonderful things together to honor our Lord and Savior. We should feel the freedom of His grace and reflect that grace in our finances.
My hope is that every Christian couple feels this freedom and is empowered to be generous, to give to the One who has given us our freedom, and to bless the broken and hurting, the stranger, and to be open to the opportunities God puts before us to be generous.
My wife and I meet with couples regularly to discuss finances and to help navigate the conversations that generally cause a lot of arguments between spouses. In most cases, we find that the issues boil down to misaligned goals, lack of discipline, or lack of knowledge about what they can or should do.
Sometimes, there are deeper issues at play that need to be worked through, which usually cause trust issues. There may be issues with financial infidelity (when you lie to your spouse about money and what is going on in your finances), there may be issues where money is an idol (putting money before God), or there may be a deep longing for finding security in money (not trusting that God will provide, so you hoard money to feel safe, believing there is never enough).
If these issues are at play, then uncovering why they persist and bringing them to light so they can be healed is crucial. The only way I know how to do that is by speaking with a trusted advisor or mentor who can help you process these issues together. Our marriage team is a great resource for this here at Rise.
For couples who want to have more productive conversations about their finances, there are some key elements that usually help move from thinking of money as mine to thinking of money as ours. The foundational thing you need is alignment in your goals with money.
Here are a few steps every couple should take:
Discuss this question: “What do we want to do with our money?”
Focus on the long term first, then the medium term, and finally the short term. If we get this order correct, we will thrive with our finances. If we reverse this order, we may find ourselves in survival mode. If we can’t see past tomorrow, how will we ever feel God’s freedom in our finances and in our life?
Sit down with your spouse and talk about your dreams together, see where there is alignment, and cast that vision together. Everything is on the table—have fun with it. Then settle on a few priorities and work towards those.
For my wife and me, we want to be debt-free in retirement, and we want to have the ability to buy homes wherever our kids end up living so we can be near them and our potential grandkids. So, if one lives on the East Coast and the other on the West Coast, we want homes in each place to be around them. We are working toward that as our long-term goal.
Once the long-term goal(s) have been set, then discuss mid-term goals such as paying off debt, maximizing retirement contributions, saving for college, having 3-6 months of expenses saved in a savings account, dream vacations, vehicle purchases, etc.
Finally, focus on short-term goals: set a budget, build a one-month expenses savings account, start paying off debt, build financial margin, give to the church, identify problematic spending patterns and resolve them, and find ways to honor God with your finances.
Once you have laid out your goals, you must create a budget.
Creating a budget is as simple as listing what you earn each month and listing all your expenses for a given month. Both people need to be involved in this process so you both have buy-in.
The first expense to include is your offering to the Lord. Pray over this and thank the One who has provided it all, trusting Him with your money.
The biggest issue to avoid is deceiving yourselves when creating this plan. You have to be brutally realistic. Don’t say, “We don’t need dining-out money because we will eat in every night.” If your family is busy, this may be impractical. Set boundaries for that line item in the budget, but allow some flexibility. Perhaps evaluate your current patterns, reduce them, and make plans to stick to them. Cut back to once a week instead of not at all.
Another thing to guard against is known upcoming expenses that don’t occur every month, like car registrations, children's photos, birthdays, vacations, etc. Create an annual list of these expenses, total them, divide by 12, put that amount in a savings account (or separate accounts if you prefer), and you’ll have the money when those things arise. The last expense to include is allowance money for each spouse. Make it the same amount, and that money is for each person to spend or save as they choose.
Hopefully, your initial budget will be solid, but give yourselves grace if it isn’t. Go back to the drawing board without blame or shame, and work together to get it right.
The final step is to have the discipline and perseverance to achieve your goals together.
Meet regularly as a couple to discuss your progress, review the budget, decide what to do with any surplus, or, if you overspent, determine where to reallocate funds to cover it.
Remember, you are a team working to steward the money God has entrusted to you. Neither of you is perfect, but together you can achieve great things. He does not expect perfection, so neither should you. Make progress each month and work together.
The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty. - Proverbs 21:5
Be diligent and remember that it takes time, effort, and perseverance to excel at something. Finances are no different.
If you need help navigating these conversations, the marriage team is here to support you. Be blessed, and remember that with Him, all things are possible.
