Fighting For Your Marriage
Want a better marriage? Be eager to work for it.
Our current culture prioritizes convenience and ease. Anything that can make our lives easier is welcomed: instant this, order that, drive-through there, deliver here. Pick-ups, subscriptions, and services...oh my! I'm convinced you could never leave your home and still have everything you ever needed. There's nothing wrong with streamlining and simplifying areas of your life; it can even be healthy as a way to reduce stress and anxiety.
However, when it comes to marriage, there is no easy button, and that's a GOOD thing. Marriage takes effort. Period. Sometimes it's easier, sometimes it’s more challenging, but it ALWAYS takes effort to grow and sustain a healthy marriage. Complacency is a marriage killer.
Here’s why you should strive to work hard for your marriage instead of hoping for an easy fix:
We benefit most when we work hard for something. Think about it: When was the last time you felt proud of something that was handed to you? Ordering food on DoorDash might give a dopamine hit, but did it make you proud or accomplished? Probably not. On another night, you found a recipe, bought the ingredients, prepared and cooked the meal to perfection, and enjoyed it with your family around the table. You put in effort, did the hard work, and likely felt proud and accomplished (and the meal probably tasted way better than any delivery could).
This principle applies to marriage too. If there were a magic wand to improve your marriage, the changes likely wouldn't last long. True change comes through process. If you could wave a wand to fix your marriage, you'd miss out on the benefits of working through challenges and growing together. Romans 5:3 teaches us that it’s the trials of life that help us grow in character. “Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” Imagine all the marriage development and relational depth you would miss out on if you had an easy button.
When you fight for a healthy marriage, you're literally fighting against the gates of hell.
Marriage was intended to be easy, but that changed after The Fall. Matthew 19:5-6 says, "'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Satan wants to destroy marriages by sowing division and bitterness. When we invest in our marriage, intentionally connect with our spouse, take responsibility for our actions, and focus on Jesus, we combat these destructive forces.
We're called to be different from the world. If marriage was easy, they would all be thriving. Instead, our culture, including within the church, often opts for the easy solution of divorce rather than putting in the hard work to restore marriages. The church is called to be set apart. If our divorce rates mirror those outside the church, it's a problem.
The #1 difference between marriages of believers and non-believers is their foundation. Christian marriages are built on Jesus Christ. What does this mean practically? It means both spouses are individually rooted in Jesus and also growing in their faith together by attending church, reading the Bible, praying, and worshiping Him. It means that through good times and bad, Jesus is their foundation.
Want to improve your marriage? Stop focusing solely on its flaws and instead focus on Jesus. Invite Him into every aspect of your marriage- your values, your conflicts, your relationships with others, your time together, your hopes…surrender it all to Him. Follow the Holy Spirit's guidance and conviction for positive change within yourself first and be willing to partner with Him to restore your marriage.
Don't settle for staying where you’re at; be eager to work for your marriage.
